does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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