Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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