Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
