Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
