I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
