ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
