just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
