He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
