pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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