"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
