I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
