I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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