You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
