You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
