Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
