My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
