So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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