it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You may now shotgun with the bride
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
