a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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