She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
