...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
