Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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