im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
