Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
