First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
