Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
