Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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