i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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