ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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