i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
