no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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