There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
