Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
