Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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