I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
