You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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