She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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