I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
