Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
