I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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