last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
