please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
