there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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