Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
