What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
