I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
