apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got inside last night via doggy door
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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