I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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