pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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