My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
