Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
