Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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