he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
