my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Help. Why am I so naked?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
