I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
