I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this hospital has no fireball
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
